Bacon with a Muffin Chaser

I’ll take the muffin….oh…and throw in a side of bacon, please. Weird? Maybe…but not in the South. Food is different here. Every culture is at least somewhat defined by their food. But Southerners have a love of food that is like no other. As if the health consequences of bad nutrition apply to everyone except them, Southerners enjoy foods fried in lard and grease…and covered with a gigantic pat of butter, just for good measure. I think I’m going to move here. This is the kind of food that dreams are made of.

I should be delayed this morning. The weather is horrible. Very tornado-ish. I think it’s a hurricane. FYI, I’m in Dallas. Consider this a preemptive blog. Premature blogging. Better than premature, well, forget it…I digress. Wait…isn’t this entire blog a digression? Nevertheless, I’m on a 4-state tour this week, so there is no doubt that this work-in-process blog will take you to different areas of the country. …Depending on the weather, the airlines and anyone or anything else involved in delays.

So I’m at Chili’s for breakfast. Airport Chili’s …big fan of this airport restaurant for breakfast. Especially in Texas. The guy next to me just ordered, in a heavy Southern drawl, a muffin and asked if she could bring a side of bacon with it as well. Nice…bacon with a muffin chaser. Now the only way to finish it off is with a tall glass of sweet tea. …that’s how they roll in the South.

I ordered the breakfast tacos, bacon (at the suggestion of my new friend) and an OJ. Be careful not to choose a side of fruit. Although fruit is a good start to your day, it is also dead giveaway that you’re a northerner. …some parts of the South believe we’re still at war. Here’s my food… …wait…ice in OJ? Um…no…unless there’s vodka in it.

…and here I am in Chicago…on my way to Phili. It only makes sense that there are weather delays in Chi-town. But I love it here…and that love has very little to do with the alcohol Ive consumed. The alcohol, could however, be a contributor to my missing apostrophe in I’ve. …or the fact that I’m speaking aloud each word that I’ve typed so far…and laughing now…

OK…whoa…leashes are for dogs, not kids. WTF. I just absolutely disagree with the idea of having kid leashes. Vehemently. Well, not that strongly. I bet the kid’s name is Rover…maybe Sparky. Good boy!!….look at the good boy walking through the concourse and not peeing on each pillar! …and we wonder why some 38-year olds still live at home…

Welcome to Phili. I know, hard to believe I’m delayed here. Ahem. At least it’s only for 5 hours. Oh…and FYI…quit looking at my screen. Yes, you…in the food court in the pink polo shirt with the popped color. I see you…you look like you need a hobby…. I’ll keep writing about you until you look away. There… that’s better. I suppose the computer screen privacy filters have merit.

What is the goal of wearing a half-length vest that is cut to fit around the underside of your boobs? I think I know the goal…just checking. Oh…and PS…big fan…I guess something can look “dumb, yet eye-catching” all at the same time. Wouldn’t really want to see anyone I know wearing it, though….ever.

When wearing heels, women either walk like they have never taken a step in their lives or like they’re completely in-charge. The in-charge thing is pretty hot…otherwise, not so much. Don’t wear them if you can’t walk in them. That’s why mine are in my closet. …so to speak.

Some hair colors are unnatural. But at least you have hair…albeit orange. Remember Cookie the clown from The Bozo Show? Yeah…it’s like he has a daughter. …without as much eye make-up. …but close.