Thank God for Undercooked Tilapia

I'm in Phili. Delayed until 9:30pm. But that’s ok, really…there’s more than enough to do here.

The airport announcer just informed everyone in the terminal that a cleanup is needed in the men’s room across from “Bravo Six”. Apparently somebody else had the tilapia. Undercooked fish isn’t the best choice when traveling. …or ever, really. So, basically the idea is to stay away from fish at Friday’s. The mojito was good, though. ...and Lizzy likes them too, so I must be onto something. Look it up if you never had one; I’m not explaining it here. This isn’t recipe czar. And if you don't know Lizzy...well...your loss, I guess. Try facebook.

Bravo Six. How cool would that be for a band name? Pretty cool is the correct answer. …or not.

Oh…you haven’t seen anything ‘til you’ve seen the iGallop. This shapes and tones your body by moving you different directions. Revolutionary. Retarded, is more like it. Someone is riding this across from me…at Brookstone. Did I mention that I’m in the airport. Yes, her body was not made to move…like that or any other way. …especially in an airport.

East egg and West egg. Remember The Great Gatsby. My high school English teacher would be proud of me. No she wouldn’t. Mrs. Smith hates men. Plus, she caught me copying. And she had to watch a video of me dressed as a greek god and lip syncing “Cupid, draw back your bow…and let your arrow flow…” In a toga. Picture that.


Speaking of greek gods…apparently I’m incredibly attractive. And modest. Check out www.myheritage.com and do their face analyzer thing. Just don’t use me as the benchmark.

I had to throw away a travel sized portion of hair gel today. Good thing we’re protecting against an attack by MacGeyver. That gel plus a Q-tip, a penny and dental floss could take down an entire city.

The last ten minutes of the A-Team is all you really have to watch to be satisfied. The same probably is NOT true for Mr. T’s new show. I think it’s called “Bankrupt”…or something like that. You’re 54 Mr. T…time to ditch the Mohawk and gold chains. Try a velour sweat suit and a walker. Pussy.


Time to get on the airplane. Five bucks will buy me a pez (one) a half-dollar sized piece of iceberg lettuce and a thimble of water. Thank God for undercooked tilapia.