A shot of insulin in Vegas

Having been some time since my last entry, it only seems appropriate that I submit from VEGAS! And by submit, I’m not referring to some BDSM type of thing..I simply mean submitting a blog entry. That being said, the gutter is the only place your mind should be right now.

A playground for meaningless sex and other debauchery, Vegas must be one of the greatest places on earth for those who are into that sort of thing. And apparently, it all begins at the airport judging by some of the people I see.

Inbound travelers vs. outbound travelers…the distinction couldn’t be more obvious here. The inbound excitement, energy and overall hustle. Smiles on their faces, whorelike eye fucking from random passers by and an overall sense of the trouble to come paints them into the unmistakable box of the arriving visitor. Box. Their best days are in front of them…

I see one outbounder smiling…the rest have a tentative/worried look on their face. Maybe it’s the money they lost. That or gas. Or gonorrhea.

So this guy is wearing a very full backpack…backwards. You’ve seen it…looks like a “front” pack. What is the reason for this? Maybe he doesn’t think he looks like enough of a tool without it. Oh…he took it off…yes, still a complete tool. Go back to the pregnant weight distribution so I can laugh at you.

Juicy Couture yoga pants…they have “Juicy” written across the ass of her pants… I bet it is. I wonder what's written across the front.

I’ve never seen someone multitask where they are simultaneously putting food in their mouth and picking their nose with the same hand. The french fries would have been a better side…in my opinion. Are boogers salty? I’ve literally never eaten one.

OK guys…Superman shirts…three of them so far. Do we have an ego issue or just an otherwise flawed self perception? And here’s one with a matching tattoo. If you’re going to get a superman logo tattoo, you should at least get it on your chest. …and perhaps be mildly superheroic in your appearance. The unshaven 110 pound ladyboy really is out of his league.

Get over yourself. I think business people should record their own calls and review them. Kinda like football teams review “the tapes” during the year. The guy next to me is a riot. He just said, “Someone’s got to do that” about 7 different ways…in a row. The best was this version….”Someone has to get that done ASAP…and I mean right away.” Really? ASAP means right away? Thanks for clarifying. That’s good to know since it is such an uncommon expression. I could see a need to clarify if it was DSL which can refer to digital subscriber line or dick sucking lips. One might want to specify that very important difference. …particularly in Vegas.

I love it…just received a call…”Hey Jim…you’re on your cell I take it?” ….umm…you just called me…on my cell. …and I answered. Of course I said that I wasn’t on my cell phone just to confuse things further. It worked.

Why do people walk so slowly? Why to older men have an obsession with picking at their finger nails…over and over and over and over again? Is there THAT much shit under your nails? Why does the enormous guy next to me keep smacking his lips and sucking the food out of his teeth?

Vegas, a great family vacation spot. I see three arriving families with young children. My guess is this…they’ll check into the hotel, hit the craps tables and then take in Holly Madison’s Peep Show before hitting some late night clubs. Maybe bring a hooker back to the room to finish the evening (so to speak). Go ahead…argue the virtues of Vegas as a family destination…

A small, awkward Asian guy is trying to get his arms around his girlfriend who clearly doesn’t want to be kissed. You funny guy… Ok..the guy is still smacking his lips. He finished eating like three minutes ago. What the fuck. And the guy behind him is two knuckles deep in his nose while he types away on a business computer. Makes you kinda wonder how he got so good at one handed typing. (I’m not insinuating anything, but he’s not really a prize if you catch my drift.) If you’re counting, we’re up to two nosepickers within a 6 foot radius of me.

Ladies, just so you know…the thin, light fabric pants…white or yellow. Yes, we can see right through them. The reason we’re walking behind you is to distinguish what type of underwear you’re wearing. And if you’re worth anything, we’ll talk about it with our friends and may even think about it later. Nice black thong with your white pants…really.

I refuse to run at the airport. Nothing more to say on that.

I literally just heard someone order a triple whopper with cheese. And really, why choose a Whopper or Double Whopper when you can actually get the Triple Whopper with cheese? 1230 cal and 738 from fat. Add large fries to get you to a total of 1730 cal …990 from fat. Go ahead…get the extra mayo. Nice job, America. Your way, right away means tempting fate and going for complete arterial blockage. Everyone has to strive for something.

Mayonnaise on a burger or anything else for that matter is just gross. That’s my position. If you don’t like it, then write your own blog.

Better get up now. Time for a Cinnabon and a shot of insulin.