Flight Attendants and ‘Roid Rage

I have close friends who are gay. Isn’t that how every good joke starts? You start by saying you have a close friend that is something or other...and then you go on to insult or make fun of that person/group. Well....here we go.

I guess the airport isn’t the only place for observations. I was sitting on the O’Hare – Dallas flight and noticed my flight attendants...what an untapped resource for my blog!

A lot of flight attendants are gay men. Not just gay, but flaming homosexuals. Maybe it’s a job requirement. Check “here” if you’re gay. If you checked “gay”, please indicate on a scale of 1 to 10 exactly how flaming you are. Please use the box below to elaborate...we know it’s a box, but you’ll have to make do this time.

Female flight attendants, on the other hand, are a completely different story. You can take almost any woman, put her in a flight attendant uniform and instantly upgrade her rating. It’s kind of like the teen movies....where they take the nerdy girl, let down her air, remove her glasses and voila...hot, popular chick emerges. And yes, we do rate you, ladies....it’s just a fact of life. Deal with it. You’re probably in the 4-6 range...it’s true....you’ve seen bell curves. Get over yourself.

Head bobs are funny by themselves. But combine them with turbulence and an iPod...it’s quite a show. Picture this.... You’re listening to Bohemian Rhapsody while comfortably sitting in your seat. The guy in seat 8A is ahead of you...head bobbing as he’s drooling down his shirt. Meanwhile, you hit turbulence and everyone else begins moving accordingly. You have the extreme movement of Mr. 8A’s head bob with the softer turbulence movement effects on other non-droolers....very entertaining. Try other genres of music to see which works the best for your entertainment value.

So in the South...mashed potatoes come with gravy and tea comes sweet. That’s just the way it is. Actually, I think it’s a law. And it should be. This kind of thing leads me to the conclusion that The South will rise again! Ok it won’t. You’re all racist.

Alright, I’m getting thoroughly annoyed. Sitting here in DFW waiting to return home....on TV is the hearing on steroids. Our elected representatives are interviewing Roger Clemens. I would bet a million dollars that they’re in line for his autograph after the hearing. However it plays out, the one central message that comes from this is: members of Congress are excellent at wasting our time and money. Relatively speaking...how important is this to our country right now? Great...Clemens’ nuts are shrinking, he has back hair, zits and roid rage. Thanks for clarifying, Nancy.

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