Mr. Answers

So Texas Toast is really something from Texas. It isn’t just thickly sliced bread…well…actually, that’s exactly what it is. But, in Texas, apparently everything comes with Texas Toast. As if it’s a State full of three year olds, everyone can get excited to know that their chicken fried chicken comes not only smothered with gravy and a side of fries or potatoes…but also with thick, unbuttered toast.

So there’s this blonde lady in a little black dress…very small lady. But she’s extremely…um…top heavy. Most certainly store bought. Noticing that her gate was next to mine, I had to verify my suspicion. For the record, I didn’t suspect that her boobs were store bought; I KNEW that…so that’s good. Because to verify that, I’d have to…well…I’d probably get in trouble many times over. Anyway, …I was right…she was heading to LA. I believe LA has more plastic and saline per capita than anywhere else. Regardless…sundresses are back. And despite the cartoonish appearance of this lady and her caricature-like chest, I am a fan of sundresses in the summer…or any other time for that matter.

Oh my gosh…could this guy’s feet be any smaller? He isn’t a small guy either. Very small feet. Perhaps his parents confused him for a Chinese girl when he was young and bound his feet. That’s really the only logical explanation. But you know what they say about a guy’s feet. Poor stubby. What do they say about the size of women’s feet? Gigantic feet = huge labia? Why don’t we have any “You know what they say about the ____ of a woman’s ____?” And I think it should be something totally random…related to their ears.

Ladies, if you’re wearing a skirt, you really shouldn’t be walking with your hands in your skirt pockets. Actually…guys…you shouldn’t be walking with your hands in your pants pockets. …or skirts for that matter. Come on…you look like a college student coming home from the bars after closing time in the winter.

Whoa…speaking of gigantic. This must be the day of caricatures. How can someone have a gigantic ass but otherwise have a normal-average frame? You know what I’m talking about…the guy or lady who leaves the room and has an ass that takes another 10 minutes to leave.

Scott Pollock (pahl-uck) was just paged. I know I’d be tempted to say pole-lock. “Scott Polock, please come to the customer service desk. Please walk forward…on your feet.”

Apparently “Mr. Answers” likes everyone in the airport knowing all of his unique knowledge. He has literally said, “Oh, I have an answer for that.” five times now. The fun thing, though, is I find myself trying to think of ways to stump him. I’m going to go give it a try.